Phallus Land
Probably everybody has heard of the conspiracy theory that the United States are built on a Freemasons' scheme to take over the world, with proof being the pyramid with the All-Seeing Eye on the dollar notes, the George Washington Monument being what it is, and lots of other easily uncovered issues (just read any Dan Brown novels).
As everybody knows just as well, this is complete and utter nonsense. There is no such conspiracy. The United States are not a plot to propel some obscure lodge to world dominance, they are not God's Own Country, they are just like any other country.
However, there is something else, something noteworthy but usually well-hidden. In spite of it prudish appearance, the U.S. are surprisingly lewd. The U.S. are a boiling cauldron of hot, unadulterated, barely-veiled -- sex. Its often-discussed affection for violence is just a ploy to divert the world's eyes from its real sinful addiction -- the phallus.
The phallus is actually everywhere in contemporary America. Probably it is even hidden to the eyes of its own population, but to an open-eyed, open-minded foreigner treading the soil of the New World for some time now, it is all but covert. In fact, one cannot turn without being blatantly, constantly being reminded of the true fetish, the one object of affection, the very culmination of American spirit: The Phallus.
What follows is a gallery of the obvious, a presentation of the unavoidable, a scrupulous uncovering of that which lies in the shadow of the public unconscious.
The George Washington Monument -- probably the longest stone Phallus of a Nation in the world.
The Capitol -- the Phallus of Democracy.
Leftovers from Halloween -- probably a phallo-pagan festival.
Cars in the driveway, the ultimate American phallus.
An American Squirrel, nibbling away at phallic corn.
One of the house's cats (a free pet, so to speak), lewdly looking out of the window.
And: A kendo session (which I am planning to attend in the future), probably a crypto-celebration of the phallus (plus, look at the porn-bar moustache of the guy at the right!).
And finally, the pinnacle of phallic dominance over day-to-day life, the porn-movie-industry foray into the housewife's drab existence, the vacuum cleaner -- the name of a vacuum cleaner in the house (with a 1950's look of "electricity makes the American housewife's life joyful!", incredibly massive, electrically driven - it really moves its heavy vacuum head back and forth, automatically, in a rocking, almost sensual vacuuming motion, back and forth, back and forth, with an integrated headlight), the Name to end all other household names, the Name which could not have been imagined by any marketing director's mind with a straight face, the monstrous Name of this American vacuum cleaner:
"The 14-inch Agitator".
As everybody knows just as well, this is complete and utter nonsense. There is no such conspiracy. The United States are not a plot to propel some obscure lodge to world dominance, they are not God's Own Country, they are just like any other country.
However, there is something else, something noteworthy but usually well-hidden. In spite of it prudish appearance, the U.S. are surprisingly lewd. The U.S. are a boiling cauldron of hot, unadulterated, barely-veiled -- sex. Its often-discussed affection for violence is just a ploy to divert the world's eyes from its real sinful addiction -- the phallus.
The phallus is actually everywhere in contemporary America. Probably it is even hidden to the eyes of its own population, but to an open-eyed, open-minded foreigner treading the soil of the New World for some time now, it is all but covert. In fact, one cannot turn without being blatantly, constantly being reminded of the true fetish, the one object of affection, the very culmination of American spirit: The Phallus.
What follows is a gallery of the obvious, a presentation of the unavoidable, a scrupulous uncovering of that which lies in the shadow of the public unconscious.
The George Washington Monument -- probably the longest stone Phallus of a Nation in the world.
The Capitol -- the Phallus of Democracy.
Leftovers from Halloween -- probably a phallo-pagan festival.
Cars in the driveway, the ultimate American phallus.
An American Squirrel, nibbling away at phallic corn.
One of the house's cats (a free pet, so to speak), lewdly looking out of the window.
And: A kendo session (which I am planning to attend in the future), probably a crypto-celebration of the phallus (plus, look at the porn-bar moustache of the guy at the right!).
And finally, the pinnacle of phallic dominance over day-to-day life, the porn-movie-industry foray into the housewife's drab existence, the vacuum cleaner -- the name of a vacuum cleaner in the house (with a 1950's look of "electricity makes the American housewife's life joyful!", incredibly massive, electrically driven - it really moves its heavy vacuum head back and forth, automatically, in a rocking, almost sensual vacuuming motion, back and forth, back and forth, with an integrated headlight), the Name to end all other household names, the Name which could not have been imagined by any marketing director's mind with a straight face, the monstrous Name of this American vacuum cleaner:
"The 14-inch Agitator".
posted by PJS at
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
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